Forever
by DisenchantedFaerie
Summary: *just to be safe* Life does go on for after death... ***Carby***


Forever  
  
~*~ Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or anything to do with ER. It's just a summer morning and I'm really bored. Please don't sue. By the way, everything belongs to NBC or Warner Brothers if you wanna get specific.  
  
A.N.: Okay, this story is kinda intense, just a flat out warning right now. I got this idea the other night and it's been brewing in my head ever since. It's a Carby, but you just have to wait it out. I know it's totally out of character and I did do my research on morphine so at least I got that part right. :\  
  
~*~  
  
"I love you. forever" she whispered into his ear and broke the stare she held with John's eyes by closing her own.  
  
"Abby?" John said while glancing at the machines that were now emitting a high-frequency beep.  
  
"Abby?!?" he repeated with a tone of urgency and fear that was now taking over him.  
  
All John Carter could do was just stand, watching Susan and Kerry try to bring her back; back to life, back to Chicago, back to him. He failed to realize the tears streaming down his face and the faces of those surrounding him.  
  
Kerry stopped compressions, unhooked the main monitor, and put a hand on Susan's shoulder, trying to stop the doctor from further attempts to save the life of a dear friend.  
  
"I'm so sorry John," Kerry said as tears glistened in her eyes, "Time of death,"  
  
"No. no. no. no." was all Carter could whisper as both Susan and Kerry looked at the clock.  
  
"22:47." finished Kerry glancing to the door to see many, if not all the ER doctors standing just beyond the door frame, tears rolling down many of their faces too.  
  
Still staring at the face of his love, he barely heard Kerry's voice telling him to take as long as he needed and that he wouldn't be bothered. Neither did he notice the lack of tears and the formulation of a subtle plan in the depths of his mind.  
  
Slowly getting up, he walked over to the window and took one last look out to see his close friends; the amazing doctors that saved lives every day, and who tried their hardest to save one of their own. He silently thanked them not only for their efforts, but also for the years of friendships and companionship that they gave to him.  
  
Carter turned back to Abby and a small look of determination crept across his lips as the formulated plan surfaced and burrowed its way into John's consciousness.  
  
"This is it." John said to no one particular, as he walked back to Abby's bedside. He removed the IV from Abby's arm and inserted it into his own, feeling the adrenaline as the memories of past experience came rushing back to him.  
  
Programming the morphine drip to 300mg an hour wasn't the problem; the fleeting thoughts that this wouldn't work, was.  
  
"Don't worry John," he said reassuringly, "even if it doesn't work, you won't have to face another day without her."  
  
John looked at Abby as he pressed the enter button on the IV and began to feel the warm flow of Morphine as it entered into his blood stream. Brushing back a stray piece of hair from Abby's forehead; John situated himself on the gurney also, as if he was holding Abby like he did this morning. Usually this would disgust John to an extreme, but he wanted to be as close to her as he could, for the last time.  
  
"This morning," John whispered to himself, "I had no idea. No idea that would be the last time we would make love, or eat breakfast together, share a cup of coffee, or laugh over a stupid joke in my Jeep."  
  
Still feeling the warmth of her body next to his, Carter began to whisper his thoughts and feelings to her, taking note of the morphine slowly affecting his conciseness.  
  
"I'll never be able to see your radiant smile; hear your laughter; listen to you talk about Eric and how much you're worried about him; or even know if we could make it through tomorrow." Carter paused and smiled slightly as the smell of coconut overwhelmed him. He remembered Abby buying that shampoo on a late night shopping trip for ice cream last night when their shifts were over.  
  
"Remember your first day on the job? How you were so scared and I told you that you would never be alone. I keep on thinking about all those times, time we thought we would always have each other. All those late night cups of coffee, maybe a slice of pie or a milkshake at Doc Magoo's; I honestly think we spent half of our off hours in that restaurant, just talking." he whispered into Abby's hair, laughing at the memory of Doc Magoo's, "They had horrible food; but every time either one of us felt down, we would treat each other to that piece of crap food, and that's what I loved." Carter paused again and slowly glanced back at the morphine drip then to Abby's peaceful face.  
  
"I think after we went to Oklahoma that's when I realized that I was in love with you. I mean, I always loved you, but those days we spent together made me realize that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter what happens. For the first time in my life I felt like that was where I belonged, in that car, with you. On that trip I got to see Abby; not nurse Abby or motherly Abby, just Abigail. I never fully realized what a strong and amazing person you were Abby, and what you went through with your mother all those years growing up." he stopped and glanced quickly down at his hand resting on her stomach then back to her face with tears forming in his eyes, "I can't believe I never told you that; that and a million other things. Like how beautiful you look in the morning, when you just wake-up; or how adorable you look in scrubs."  
  
John now was hit full force with the effects of the morphine. Straining to keep his eyes open and mind conscious, he took one last look at Abby's form and a single tear slid down his cheek.  
  
"You were my best friend Abby. I would have given anything, anything in the world to have you with me right now; but I can't. The only thing I can give is myself." pausing slightly to find the last bit of strength in him, John lightly kissed her pale lips and whispered the same words she had said to him. "I love you, forever."  
  
The darkness that now surrounded him was darker then anything he could imagine on Earth, yet it felt strangely warm and familiar. He had been here before this state of 'being' if you could call it that. Floating there in this space for an endless amount of time it seemed, Carter didn't notice. He was playing the memories of his life in his minds eye; reminiscing, laughing, crying, all the emotions one can go through while looking back on their life. Then came Abby, as if it was the start of something new, a lifetime maybe.  
  
Finally opening up his eyes only to be greeted by more emptiness, he noticed in the far distance a star; one star that shined so brightly that even in the darkness of death it could be seen. Moving closer toward its brightness Carter felt at peace, something about this unknown place took the entire burden of life away. Knowing that he had nothing to lose, John drew closer to its light and it soon overwhelmed him.  
  
Squinting his eyes, he didn't realize the exact moment he had come into contact with solid ground; it just appeared. Looking around the endlessly white surrounding, John Carter finally realized fully this is it, the end.  
  
"I'm alone," he stated, almost as a fact, a hint of sadness in his voice.  
  
"Hello!?!" John yelled, beginning to feel anger boiling up inside him. The anticipated echo never came, and he assumed that wherever he was had substance.  
  
"Where am I?!?" he screamed with no response, "Where the hell am I!?!" looking to where he thought was up, screaming the question again. Finally, John gave up. Hanging his head down, a single tear rolled down his cheek.  
  
Hearing soft, what he assumed to be footsteps in the distance, Carter looked up to find that the whiteness in front of him was radiating with a soft glow. Squinting his eyes so he could see, he found that closing them completely was the only answer, since the light before his was so dazzling.  
  
The smell of coconut overwhelmed him, and tear after tear rolled down his cheek, reminding him of the love he had forever lost. The tears were brushed from his cheek, but he realized those were not his hands. Slowly opening his eyes, John saw in front of him an angel, more beautiful then anything he had seen before in his life.  
  
Feeling her arms wrap around his torso, he buried his head into her hair and wept. He cried for all those times he told her he loved her, for giving up hope, for letting her slip away. She too cried, cried for losing him, for making him suffer, for not being with him. John could feel the warmth of her tears through his shirt and pulled away slightly to kiss her forehead.  
  
"I can't believe I have you." Carter whispered into her ear.  
  
"I told you I would always be here." Abby replied into his shirt. Looking up into his eyes she said. "I want to show you something."  
  
Taking his hand into hers, Abby lead him in a direction unknown to John. Still in a state of wonder, all John could concentrate on was the feel of Abby's hand in his, her warmth, her smell. Shielding his eyes again from the radiating light, Carter could hear voice in the distance becoming louder as he followed Abby deeper into the surrounding light. Just as quick as it had come, the light disappeared and he was standing in front of a group of smiling people, most of which he knew. John could see himself in the faces of some of those standing around him, more then one had the trademark Carter smirk. A group standing farthest away from him had Abby's eyes, some even had the nose, only one or two had her mouth.  
  
"There." Abby said pointing to a group of people closest to John, "I want you to meet them."  
  
Cautiously walking towards them with Abby's hand still in his own, he paused mid-stride, then began to walk faster and Abby slipped her hand from his. He ran up to a couple standing near the front of the group and embraced the woman.  
  
"Gamma!" John said as he wrapped his arms around his grandmother, tears glistening in his eyes.  
  
"John, what on Heaven's name are you doing here?" Gamma asked him, returning the embrace and tears of her own.  
  
"Abby," he said carefully, looking down at the old woman, "she died, and. I couldn't live without her."  
  
Gamma smiled her radiant smile and nodded her head in understanding. Turning to the man next to her, he extended his hand towards him.  
  
"Grandpa." John said expecting a handshake, but received another hug. "It's good to see you boy." John Carter the First said, also beaming towards his grandson "Looks who's also here to see you John."  
  
From behind the man came a young boy, no older then 15, but a little shorter then John. He looked up to meet John's eyes, and that glance spoke more then could be said in millennia.  
  
"Bobby." John simply replied, embracing his brother in a full bear hug. "God, I've missed you."  
  
The tears were beginning to silently fall again, as Bobby let go after a few moments and made eye contact again with his older brother.  
  
"How have mom and dad been?" Bobby said, for he knew what the answer was, it was always the same.  
  
John let out a chuckle and replied with a grin. "You know, the fighting, the arguing, the normal."  
  
Still smiling, he heard a voice from behind him that made him turn around in awe.  
  
"So Carter, have you been practicing your hook shot?" said the voice now infront of him. Carter smiled and walked up to the doctor and embraced his friend in a hug.  
  
"Not really," said Carter smiling, "but if you wanna fence, I'm pretty sure I could kick your butt there."  
  
Mark Green let out his trademark laugh that only made John remember the good times they had spent together at county. Abby, now standing behind John interlaced her fingers with his and whispered into his ear:  
  
"There's one more person I want you to meet."  
  
Standing a few yards away with their back turned, stood a person that changed Carter's life forever.  
  
"How did. where." John said stuttering. Abby answered for him.  
  
"All those people in there were the ones we love, whether we know it or not. Most of the people there though are our ancestors.  
  
"You're Gamma and Grandfather showed me around when I first got here. Once I was pretty confident I knew my way around, I began going into other 'rooms' if you wanna call them that. You move by light, something you just have to get used to." Abby looked over at John and smiled, kissing his hand that held hers and continued.  
  
"That's when I found Mark. He told me that you were coming, he took me to see you." Abby stopped and brushed back a tear that was threatening to fall. John looked at her in amazement and a question was begging for him to ask. She looked into his eyes and nodded.  
  
"I heard you." she said, now crying, "I heard everything you told to me. That you thought I was beautiful and you would always be with me. I never wanted you to die too John. I never would have left you if I would have known what it would do to you."  
  
"But Abby," John interrupted, cupping her face in his hands, "I never would have been able to live without you."  
  
"You never would have." Abby said looking deep into his eyes, "Every night I would be next to you, holding you. Every time you cried, I would be there to wipe away your tears. Every time you thought you couldn't make it, I would be there to help you along. I would never leave you if I had a choice John, never."  
  
Now both crying, the figure ahead of them turned around and began to walk closer, glowing as if from above. Blinking back tears that had already began to fall freely; John stared at the light, waiting for it to diminish.  
  
"John?" the voice from the light said softly, "It me, Lucy."  
  
Lucy stepped down as if from a platform and stood infront of the two people embracing. John gently let go of Abby and took a small step closer. Looking back at Abby, she gave him an encouraging smile, and he knew that it was okay.  
  
"It's not your fault John." Lucy said, looking deep into his eyes, "There was nothing you could have done to stop it from happening. You did all that you could, and that's what matters."  
  
Stepping forward again, Lucy embraced John, and tears rolled down her cheeks as well.  
  
"I was just so scared." John whispered, "So scared that I would never see you again or that you would never forgive me."  
  
"Why wouldn't I forgive you, when you did nothing wrong?" Lucy questioned, and continued, "I loved you John. Not like Abby does, but like a brother/sister love. I would of done anything to protect you, even if it meant my life."  
  
Lucy stepped back and turned to Abby, "You're very lucky Abby. This man loves you so much, more then anything else in the world."  
  
Abby smiled and embraced Lucy and said, "I never got a chance to know you very well at County, but maybe we can change that here."  
  
The women let go, and Abby caught Carter's hand in hers.  
  
"You ready to go back?" Abby asked him.  
  
"Yea." said Carter smiling. Lucy had said her goodbye's to them already, but promised to come soon, since she was only a few rooms away with her family.  
  
Walking back slowly, hand in hand, Abby stopped and pulled Carter into a hug.  
  
"See, I told you I'd love you forever." Abby whispered into Carter's ear.  
  
"And see, I told you I'd be with you forever." Carter replied before kissing her.  
  
They both knew that as long as they had each other, forever was never long enough.  
  
~*~  
  
A.N. I would like to give tons of thanks to Kay, for being my Beta *in some respects* And also the Carby board because they are just wonderful. 


End file.
